So, we spent last week being thankful for all of the “real” things in our lives, mostly family, friends and of course our-lord-and-savior-Jesus-Christ. But we want to be sure to provide our “after the feast” thanks to the lesser, yet oh-so-important things in life that bring us joy. Mostly sports, hijinks in sports, and hairstyles of our sports Gods. We’re nothing if not frivolous here at Hail Mary.
I’m a keep it short and sweet wit my bad self this week (I’m trying out my new urban voice…too much?). So many great games and so much drama, but there really are a few nuggets that stand out, so read on for your pleasure, and be the belle of any holiday ball when you throw down this knowledge.
You trippin, man.
Even in the gladiatorial environment known as the NFL, the Mike Tomlin penalty from Sunday was shocking. Pittsburgh Steelers coach Tomlin slyly stepped onto the field during the Ravens’ Jacoby Jones’ kickoff return, in a tight game no less. A coach intentionally running into a player is unheard of, and judging by Tomlin’s sheepish look, absolutely what happened. The NFL came down hard – $100,000 fine for the coach, and a possible draft pick loss for the team. Guess coaches will know their place from now on. Meaning, not interfering with a play.
You got rolled, Tide.
College football, in general, is interesting but I just don’t have the time to worry about it. I can’t give up my entire Saturday and Sunday for the cause, so I choose the big leagues. However, last Saturday, a perfect storm of food poisoning (curse you, Arbys) and post-Black Friday shopping exhaustion found me on the couch taking in rivalry weekend. And what is perhaps the greatest finish in college football history. Educate yourself quickly – if you didn’t see Auburn’s fluke finish from an Alabama field goal attempt, watch and learn. People will be talking about this one for years. Alabama was assumed to win their third straight national championship and is now watching on the sidelines. It’s a brutal game. But not as brutal as this guy’s tattoo.
RG III and out.
The Washington Redskins are officially out of the playoffs, only one year after upstart rookie Robert Griffin II turned the league on its head with his read option style of play (see previous commentary if you want to amaze friends by knowing what a read option is). After suffering a torn ACL when he was left in a playoff game last year when injured, a move that brought his coach under fire, he has returned this year and soundly underwhelmed. What is wrong with RGIII? That’s what all of the talking heads want to know. I say Sophomore Slump…the kid is really good, and probably just needs more time to recover from his injury, which is totally normal. “Not everyone can be Adrian Peterson” you say to a crowd of critics at your next party.
Hair we go.
Last but not least, a few reasons to be thankful for the pomp and circumstance that make the NFL (yes, I’m saying it again) the greatest sport ever. If there’s one thing you can say about our gridiron heroes, it’s that they’re total attention hounds. And what better way to say “look at me” then with crazy hair. Enjoy my tribute to this year’s best NFL do…
So Mark Sanchez has cornrows now. What was former flame Kate Upton thinking?
Domata Peko of the Bengals has homeless guys all over the world drooling with envy. That’s some nasty business there. The words “bird’s nest” come to mind, but with his team on the upswing, I don’t see a cut or shave in his near future.
In the Hall of Fame category, I assume you all know Troy Polamalu. When you are featured on a Head and Shoulders commercial, you’ve transcended the world of football into hair immortality.
But this, year, FTW, we can only show you Buccaneer Tiquan Underwood. Is it a flat top? A fade? Will it fit into a helmet? Hair this epic hasn’t been seen since 90s hip hop.
That’s it for this week. Stop. Hammertime.