The 2014 NFL Season is upon us!
It’s like Christmas Eve for football nerds, and instead of a stocking filled with gifts, we get a season filled with nachos and NFL Sunday Ticket. The most wonderful time of the year, indeed!
Doesn’t it seem like only yesterday when we watched that first snap fly over Peyton’s head, tapped our feet to Bruno Mars and painfully sat through some of the worst Super Bowl ads in years?
It’s been 30 long Sundays without football, ladies, and they’ve all been filled with dreams of sitting on the couch, watching game after game of men in tight pants trying to get a little leather ball across a field. Frighteningly, this is the dream of the man in your life as well.
As always, I’ll update you on the hot topics for the season and what to look for each week. So, without further ado, here’s this week’s list, all wrapped up and sealed with a cute Blue Ivy style bow!
Top Rookies to watch, or just ones with funny names
I always feel sorry for rookies in the NFL, especially quarterbacks. Lots of expectations, high pressure and little time to get used to the crazy fast pace of the NFL. So give em a break and expect missteps in their first-year campaigns. My favorites this year are –
- Jadeveon Clowney – say it with me five times fast – an outside linebacker from the Texans
- Jason Verrett – A Chargers cornerback who could help bring down Peyton Manning’s pass attack.
- Mike Evans – Tampa Bay Buccaneers receiver. He wins on biceps alone.
- Bishop Sankey – Tennessee running back looking great in training camp, and a fantasy player of mine
- Tre Mason – St. Louis Rams running back and son of Maseo from De La Soul who happen to be the greatest hip hop band of all time! See below.
Side note – I would like to form a female crime fighting duo some day called Clowney and Sankey. It just sounds cool.
More preseason predictions than kids at a Jolie-Pitt wedding
There are thousands of pundits around the league who are paid to make predictions on everything from who will win the Super Bowl to who is the first quarterback to be replaced. And for the most part it’s all bunk. However, that said, Denver’s defense is much improved and they will be the team to beat in the AFC, which is admittedly a weaker conference. The Seahawks are again favored in the super stacked NFC but they have a very different team and will have stiff competition within their division from the 49ers and the dark horse Arizona Cardinals (one of my sleeper Super Bowl contenders, BTW).
We all know that the NFL is full of bad boys but this year they don’t make me feel so good. The season will start on Thursday and there are more than 20 players, some of them league stars, who will not be playing for at least a few games. Famously, Raven Ray Rice beat his then-girlfriend (who later dropped charges and capped off the insanity by marrying him) and was suspended a whopping two games, with the Chiefs’ Receiver Dwayne Bowe getting one game for marijuana. That sounds completely equitable, right? That’s a whole other discussion, which I encourage you to take part in if you have the time.
Other stars such as Broncos’ Wes Welker (also known for marrying a Hooters’ girl), Colt and Future Baby Daddy Robert Mathis and troubled Brown Josh Gordon will miss several games up to a whole season in Gordon’s case, for taking banned substances. Heck, even Super Tweetin’ Colts owner Jim Irsay was suspended for driving while intoxicated among other infractions. He was even banned from Social Media. Wait – the NFL can do that? Wow. Can we get them jurisdiction over Ann Coulter or Kanye West?
Fantasy Football Note
For those of you playing your rookie season (I’m talking a you, Hail Mary Girls Fantasy Football League!), you should know that the first week is critical in shoring up your roster with undervalued talent. Week one should tell you all you need to know about medical conditions of key players like Cam Newton and Rob Gronkowski. If they start, others in the league may drop “safety” back up players giving you a chance to pick up some goodies. Go forth and play!
What’s trendy and topical this season?
Here’s our weekly set of “I’m smart at football” sayings to throw out while you watch –
“I just don’t think Johnny Football has the discipline to play at an NFL level yet, and with Brian Hoyer being a hometown hero, Cleveland is making the right decision to start him.” – Say with tilt of head and half smile
“Could anyone but Philadelphia even have a chance in the NFC East? I mean, Eli’s interception problems continue in New York, Dallas hasn’t added any considerable talent to get them over the hump, and in Washington, RGIII might not even START this year!” – Say while vigorously waiving hands
“Drew Brees and Company could make Super Bowl history again if their defense can pull its head out of its you-know-what.” – Say while rolling eyes and shaking head
So tomorrow night, enjoy your zen space as you leave the world behind and take in the power and the glory that makes the NFL the greatest!