Could I BE more excited for Super Bowl week? For those of you who don’t know of the glorious show that was Friends, that was said in the sarcastic droll of one Chandler Bing, who no doubt would feel my pain this week. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems there are an abnormal number of people who could not give two hoots about this year’s Big Game.
Why is this? See last week’s blog for more. Mostly I think it’s that there’s no “underdog” this year, no compelling rags-to-riches story about a young player overcoming odds, no team that hasn’t won the Bowl recently. In fact, with all the talk about cheating, there’s a much stronger WWE vibe than an actual football vibe goin down.
Still, I know you can have fun watching the game, so because I’m a giver, I give you the Definitive Guide to Sorta Liking The Super Bowl –
Besides just watching for the commercials, there are a ton of crazy story lines shaping up to make this years game a true battle.
- Allegations of cheating against Patriots. We’re all familiar with those by now.
- Pete Carroll (Seattle Coach) going against his old team. Before his monsterous years of success at USC and Seattle, he was fired by Patriots in 1999, making way for the reign of our very own Darth Hoodie, Bill Belichick.
- Richard Sherman vs. Tom Brady. The trash talker extraordinaire against the most hated QB in football (according to a recent poll).
- Richard Sherman vs. Nature. Richard’s baby mama is bout to have a baby. If the baby comes on Sunday, will Richard miss the game? Of course not. Football players certainly can’t let little things like babies, relationships and a child hating you the rest of their life get in the way of what’s important.
- Marshwan Lynch vs. everyone. This guy hates the media, and he shows it more in every press conference he is forced to give. Frankly, the media is starting to win public opinion. But I’m just saying that so I won’t get fined.
Keys to the game (with a few key “I am smart at football” sayings) –
- “The defense on both sides will really set the tone for this game”
- Gronk vs. Kam Chancellor. Probably the best tight end in the league vs. one of the best corners. This match up could decide the offensive momentum of the game.
- Seahawks Running Game. If the Pats stop Marshawn Lynch, they’ll force Wilson to throw and test one of the best defensive secondaries in the game.
- Pressure on Brady. Brady’s offensive line needs to protect their pretty boy quarterback, and they have been spotty at times. If Seattle gets a strong pass rush going and Brady can’t control the tempo of the game, it could tip the game the Seahawks’ way.
Of Paramount Importance – Best looking players to watch for –
- Seattle – Doug Baldwin and Russell Wilson
- New England – Julian Edelman and Rob Gronkowski “The Gronk”
And, if you try to tell me Tom Brady is good looking I will give you my Mexican Soap Opera anger face –
Celebrity Fan Bonanza –
Each team has quite a few celebrity fans to watch for on the sidelines or in the luxury boxes. And I’m not talking about Gisele drinking her glass of Cabernet, looking like she’s at a garden party as she screams at Patriots receivers.
Seahawks corner the market on bands, bandwagoners and failed politicians.
- Will Ferrell and Snoop Dogg, recently jumping on the bandwagon because they’ve been buds with Coach Carroll since his USC days.
- Chris Pratt
- Sarah Palin
- Pearl Jam
Patriots have some of the best looking celeb fans and one that will truly surprise you.
- The “Boston” guys – Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck
- Maria Menounos
- Gayle King
- Steven Tyler
- Elton John – can anyone please explain this one to me?
Lastly, if all else fails, I introduce
A Super Bowl Drinking Game for your party –
- Drink every time someone says deflategate, deflated, or, heck, even BALLS! Reserve last option only if you plan to Uber home.
- Drink every time someone mentions the fact that Marshawn Lynch doesn’t like talking to the media.
- Drink every time someone mentions that Marshawn Lynch likes Skittles.
- Drink every time Chris Collinsworth and Al Michaels mention how many times they’ve broadcast a Super Bowl. We get it. It’s not your first rodeo.
- Drink if Belichick wears his “dress hoodie” with a collared shirt underneath.
- Drink if Katy Perry’s hair is pink. Or twice if it’s blue.
- Drink if Lenny Kravitz looks better now than he did even 20 years ago. Which he will.
Go forth, snack and drink, and root for the lesser of two evils today!