As we head into Thanksgiving week, it’s all about gratitude. I’ve always had a positive outlook on life, but it may not always be apparent on Sundays when I am screaming at my run defense to just put up one lousy block, or on Tuesdays when I watch another one of my fantasy players lost to injury (come back, Matt Forte!?). But overall, I try to enjoy each day, and do the things I love, like writing this blog for all of you.
And with all that joy swirling around, I thought it was high time to look at some of the little things in football that bring us happiness.
Ten things to be thankful for this football season –
Although Andy Dalton is the NFL’s most epic redhead at the moment, and no one can match his orange on orange gameday ensemble, we also enjoy ogling gingers like coach Jason Garrett on a weekly basis. Also, Carson Palmer claims to be a redhead, but the funny thing is he’s much more of a brunette since he left the Bengals. Coincidence? No matter the case, it sure is fun to see those unique guys with zippy heads of red roaming the field each and every Sunday.
I never thought about my kidney much, save for the occasional “what’s the definition of binge drinking again?” scare. Until recently. This month, both Keenan Allen and Andrew Luck were sidelined with lacerated kidneys, an injury that causes your kidney to leak blood. Usually caused by car crashes or physical attacks, it’s now becoming more common in football. So be kind to your kidney this weekend.
Dez Bryant on Twitter
When you type a rant on your phone, just to screen shot and post it on Twitter, you are committed to stirring shit up. Because 140 characters ain’t near enough to get the haters hatin.
Pat McAfee on Twitter
The Colts’ kicker is the funniest man in football and currently pursuing a side job as a stand up comedian in addition to his stellar weekly TV and radio shows. You can always count on him to really put things into perspective.
See #3 and 4. What the hell did athletes do to embarrass their families, call out their teammates and diss their baby mamas before this fantastical medium was invented? It’s a glorious train wreck, like drunken dialing, but for the world to see.
I really like this kid. He is bringing a whole new level of showmanship to the league, from his snappy ‘do to his groundbreaking touchdown dances, like the latest “Hit Dem Folks” ditty.
GIF: Odell Beckham Jr’s TD dance is apparently called the “Hit Them Folks” – here’s a closer look pic.twitter.com/TTezy8aHQa
— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) September 25, 2015
Everything about Luke Kuechly is cute, from saying his name (pronounced Keek-lee) to his boyish smile, to the fact that he is the most popular choice among female Panther fans. This inside linebacker takes some of the attention from that awful narcissist Cam Newton, making him one of my favorite players.
The Madden Movie
Yes, it’s true. Madden NFL 16 made a fake movie, and it’s glorious. With Kaepernick playing a blind Al Pacino, McLovin’ from Superbad and Rex Ryan as “Lil Pepper”, this is the kind of creativity we need in today’s NFL, where throwback uniforms and pink gloves are seen as groundbreaking.
Yoko Romo being a thing
It started with Jessica Simpson throwing off Tony Romo’s game. Then, from Kerry Washington’s effectively ending Nnamdi Asomugha’s career, to Kristin Cavallari making Jay Cutler even more Cutler-y, to Ciara turning Russell Wilson into a Mexico vacationing, miracle water drinking, unfocused leader, celebrity girlfriends always seem to get the blame when their men are on the decline. The latest victim? Olivia Munn, spouting off about all that good Aaron Rodgers sex, surely responsible for the Packers’ two game skid. Yup, Yoko Romo sure is fun to say and as a fan I’m keeping on my toes when my team stars start to date actual stars.
Yes, you heard me right. I am first and foremost thankful for my most hated team this year. Do they cheat? Damn right? Are the a bunch of arrogant assholes? You betcha! Is Belichick a total creep who will stop at nothing to win? Of course. Should karma catch up with them, and let the good guys finally win? I keep thinking this. But alas, they stay on top, reinforcing the truth that in sports nothing is really ever fair. So thank you, Patriots, for reminding me that the NFL is not real life. Friends, family. Playing with integrity. Begin honest. Being humble. That’s reality…not one that my nemesis team embodies, but the only one that really matters.
With that, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving week. Next week, we’ll learn all we need to know about how to spend your Turkey Day watching football!