It’s the holiday season, and you know what that means. We celebrate the 12 weeks of football with 12 gifts from yours truly, giving props to all that is good in football so far this season. So grab your egg nog and take that extra time you’re not using setting your fantasy lineup because you didn’t make the playoffs (not bitter) and read on!
12 Drummers Drumming
Ay yi yi, looks like the 12s are back beating the bandwagon drum in Seattle. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know you faithful have backed the Hawks the entire painful first half of the season. But now that they’re looking good in the stretch, and a wild card berth is looking likely, the Pacific Northwest is jumping back on, Sherman is running his mouth and Russell Wilson is probably guzzling more of that miracle water.
11 Kicks Returning
Or #11 returning kicks. DeSean Jackson tried too hard to make something happen late in the game against the Cowboys Sunday and fumbled the kick return, opening the door for a last minute scoring frenzy by both teams that left the Cowboys on top. When you wear your hear like this, you need to be perfect on the field, or you will be mocked.
10 Lords A Leaping
Once again, OBJ broke the internet with this beauty of a catch. It wasn’t enough for a win, thought, and the Giants are managing to blow every opportunity to take control of their division this season.
9 Ladies Dancing
Or in this case, white guys a dancing. Travis Kelce
This kid can do the nae nae, the Shmoney and even the old school bow and arrow. Take note, wannabe end zone dances. This is how it’s DONE.
8 Maids A Drooling
At least eight. Let’s admit it ladies, there are some good looking quarterbacks in the game. I’m picking one from college and one from the pros as my Hail Mary Holiday Man Crushes and I think you’ll agree.
Brock Osweiler is having a heck of a month, so far going 3-0 as the Broncos starter and also undefeated for Best Hair.
Baker Mayfield is the adorable Oklahoma QB who, while completely of legal age, also has an adorable girlfriend and a super sweet Instagram account. Mad props to a college student who is smart enough to not have a Twitter account, too!
7 Freeney’s Sacking
I say seven because that’s how many Pro Bowls Dwight Freeney has been to. And still, after 14 years in the league, he is making his presence felt. The former Colt and NFL season sack leader is now an Arizona Cardinal, and assured victory for the Cards on Thursday when he strip sacked Teddy Bridgewater late in the game. I’ll be doing a spin move in his honor at every holiday party I go to.
6 Geese A Laying
Or…birds a tweeting in this case. Shannon Sharpe (@shannonsharpe) has an epic Twitter account where he has at least six Twitter wars a week. And he always wins. His latest victims – Patriots fans and overpaid cornerback Brandon Browner. Both made the mistake of engaging, and both went down hard. I do love a good Twitter war, even in the holiday season!
Saints should release B. Browner. He’s not worth the distraction as sub par CB .
— shannon sharpe (@ShannonSharpe) December 6, 2015
5 Golden Rings
The Patriots got a tiny bit further from that fifth ring on Sunday when they suffered their second loss in as many weeks against the lowly Eagles. And America cheered.
4 Calling Birds
Fly Eagles Fly. What is going on with Chip Kelly’s team? They are now tied for first in the horrible NFC East and could actually have a chance at a home playoff game.
3 French Hens
Or swans in the case of Johnny Manziel. The kid is doing his best to squander every opportunity given to him by continuing to party and be a perennial “distraction”. After being demoted to third string, he benefited from a Josh McCown injury and has once again been reinstated as the starter. As a parent, I know that not having consequences is the catalyst of most bad behavior. The Cleveland Browns clearly haven’t sat through Parenting 101.
2 Goals A Posting
Antonio Brown took after my all time favorite Gus Frerotte and launched himself into a goal post Sunday. Amazingly, injury avoided, but he was still fined a stupidity tax of $11,576 by the league.
And A Panther in a Pear Tree
Gotta go with the Panthers for our final Xmas gift. Cam Newton is certainly making a case for MVP, and based on their upcoming schedule – Falcons twice, then Giants and Buccaneers – they really could go all the way. I haven’t been a fan in the past, but I do love when a team who is not one of the perennial winners gets so close. Wonder if the 72 Dolphins are taking notice now.
So go forth and spread holiday cheer; your team could be on the verge of greatness this year, or at least easy on the eyes.